Fifty Random Facts About Remus J Lupin
by Pinnacle of Madness
Summary: Fifty random and completely pointless facts about our favorite Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Why you should never trust Padfoot with anything. So You have questions? We have answers. If you have any questions, just ask and we'll find an answer.


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but an over-active imagination and this crappy computer. I once threw a penny into a fountain and wished for Remus Lupin, but it didn't come true, and I lost a penny.

**Author Notes:** Inspired by **rosemaryandrue**'s _20 Random Facts About Regulus Black_ (on LiveJournal). Most of these are just pulled out my ass, so if you're going to start shouting at me about how none of this was ever mentioned and about how Remus would never do this and Remus would never to that and where the hell did I come up with this stuff then don't bother.

About Remus's favorite ice cream flavor: If you haven't tried it, you should! It's delicious! I would have it every day if I could, but I can't, so I don't.

**Fifty Random Facts About Remus J. Lupin**

* * *

1. His favorite piece of clothing that he currently owns is a set of dark blue dress robes that Sirius got him for the Potters' wedding. To date he has only ever worn them twice: To the Potters' wedding and to the Potters' funeral.

2. He was the shortest boy in their year until sixth year where he had a major growth-spurt and became one of the tallest.

3. He is NOT a morning person. In fact, he almost got the whole school to sign a petition in his third year forbidding classes before 11:00 AM, but James convinced him not to.

4. When the Marauders spent the night after graduation getting drunk in the Hog's Head, Remus woke up the next morning with a hangover and three tattoos that he swore he had never seen before; one of a crescent moon on his arm and the other two of various languages in certain... unmentionable places. He was too embarrassed to tell anyone, but he never actually got around to taking them off...

5. The only person who ever learned his middle name was Severus Snape when he heard Remus talking to himself in second year.

6. Remus isn't embarrassed by his middle name, he just finds it amusing to watch people guess. Common a name as it is, nobody to this day has ever guessed correctly, though Peter came close in fifth year with Johm. Remus never figured out how Peter thought of Johm and not John.

7. Remus and Sirius _did_ date once in fourth year, but they broke it off after a week when Sirius decided he was straight and Remus decided Sirius made a much better friend than boyfriend. Only Peter knew about this until James made a joke in fifth year and they decided to tell him.

8. No, Remus is _not_ gay, he's bi.

9. Remus _never_ had a crush on Lily Evans, _or_ Lily Potter for those of you with dirty minds who might need that clarified. Remus thought she was sweet and maybe a little cute, but he never actually had a crush on her.

10. Remus had a total of forty-seven detentions throughout his time at Hogwarts as a student, the least of all the Marauders.

11. The longest fight Remus ever had with any of the Marauders was when he refused to speak to Sirius for three months. This was when Sirius played his most stupid and potentially life-threatening joke ever; telling Snape how to get through the Whomping Willow in their fifth year, thereby allowing Snape to discover Remus's secret and giving Snape one of his main reasons to despise James Potter.

12. His favorite animal is the house cat. He had a pet cat at one point named Artemis III, but Artemis died of old age in their fourth year.

13. Remus is a Werewolf.

14. His favorite tea is Decaffeinated Darjeeling with two teaspoons of sugar and no creamer.

15. He only drinks coffee in dire emergencies because it makes him really twitchy and he finds the stuff revolting unless one-third of it is some type of creamer (hopefully low-fat milk).

16. He did at one point have a half-brother he was very close to named Eric, but then Eric moved to Japan and Remus hasn't heard from him since.

17. His favorite color is forest-green.

18. Although he is generally quiet, shy, and almost never raises his voice, that all is thrown into question if someone stands between Remus and his chocolate.

19. In fact, the last person to do so ended up in the Hospital Wing for two months... and that was _after_ spending a night in St. Mungo's.

20. Remus does NOT have a badly-behaved rabbit. He is allergic to rabbits.

21. Remus's flesh does _not_ burn when in contact with silver. He actually has a silver bracelet that Eric gave him that he is very fond of.

22. Remus did not originally intend to be a teacher. He originally wanted to be a liason for the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures during the majority of his Hogwarts years, then a Quidditch star before he was bitten.

23. None of the Marauders have ever met or even heard of Eric.

24. Remus was actually behind the majority of the Marauders' pranks in their first three years of school, but he was never acknowledged for it, and that's just the way he likes it.

25. He doesn't like pumpkin juice.

26. He is fluent in Italian, Japanese, French, and knows enough Russian to get by.

27. Lily did not find out about Remus being a Werewolf until she wanted to know where her boyfriend went every full moon in seventh year.

28. Two Ravenclaws and a Hufflepuff also figured out that Remus is a Werewolf, but they all decided not to say anything once they figured out that Dumbledore had it under control.

29. Remus also knows a little bit of Latin, but he finds dead languages boring.

30. He knows how to drive a car.

31. He does not own a car.

32. Remus had a total of six girlfriends and one boyfriend during his years at Hogwarts (Sirius not included), but none ever discovered his secret.

33. He has always envied Snape's ability to loom over people because Remus cannot loom properly over anyone, no matter how much he tries.

34. Despite the rivalry between Slytherin and Gryffindor, Remus has always loved snakes and despised lions.

35. Remus resents being called Remmy. Only Eric and Sirius can call him that.

36. He despises the color orange and everything it stands for, though orange juice isn't half bad as long as there's no pulp. Yes, that includes the Chudley Cannons.

37. His favorite breed of dragon is the Chinese Fireball, though he has never actually seen one.

38. Remus doesn't feel comfortable eating chicken, but he loves turkey with gravy and cheese.

39. He supports Puddlemere United, though he will also cheer for the Tornadoes on occasion.

40. Remus always drinks tea in a green mug with black cats on it that he has had since he was three and first took a liking to it, but he always puts a glamor on the cats when using it in public.

41. His preferred drinking temperature for tea is about twice as hot as that of your average person. This was discovered by Sirius in their third year when he poured Remus's tea all over James at breakfast.

42. Remus loves cheesy romance novels with over-done plot devices, but he never told anyone.

43. He occasionally writes articles for the _Daily Prophet _under the pen name Isaac Lumberton, but nobody ever guessed it was him.

44. His favorite ice cream flavor is mint with pieces of Reeces Peanut Butter Cups in it.

45. Remus was married at one point, but he believes his wife to be dead, so he doesn't like to talk about it.

46. He can do an almost-perfect impersonation of a cow.

47. Remus never leaves home without a notebook and pencil. He once was caught in the middle of a four hour-long train ride when he got an idea for an article with no writing utensils nor paper and has no wish to repeat the experience.

48. Remus, after years of practice, has finally learned how to loom over people properly.

49. Remus resents having his life written about in the form of a list and is very, _very_ pissed at Sirius Black right now. Aside from wondering how Sirius found out about half this stuff, he is giving Sirius a five second head start. Run, Sirius. _Now._ 5, 4, 3, 2...

50. Remus Lupin is very violent when pissed off.


End file.
